Dear Numnut,
I would love to buy solar panels from you!
After receiving 459,567 phone calls from solar-panel-peddlers this year alone, I can happily report that your post on this forum has really captured my attention.
Something about you wreaks of genuinity and I now regard you as someone I can really trust. Is it too early for me to call you my friend? Perhaps we will find something mutually beneficial in our burgeoning relationship, as I too am an entrepreneur.
Can you please divulge to me your mobile phone number as I’d dearly like, nay love

, to have a long conversation with you about solar panels and…. toilet paper, which is the topic closest to my heart and my wallet, since it is what my core business is about. And this is where I need you.
I have a stockpile of toilet paper being held in quarantine at the Docklands wharf . If you can guarantee me a winning deal on your solar panels, I will promise you a lifetime’s supply of premium quality, 1ply shit tickets.
Offer ends soon.
This message will self destruct in 10 seconds.
Bravo